That moment when you realise that a COMMITMENT you made is total RUBBISH!
When...did I... commit to being poor?
When did I commit to giving until I cannot give anymore and forgot to accept to RECEIVE?
When did I tell myself that I did not deserve to RECEIVE?
I cannot remember making this commitment - but I must have, because right now I can say that I have mastered the craft of a poverty mindset.
My parents taught me not to aim high because there is only disappointment there. The only way to survive was to work hard and not ask for anything.
My poverty mindset was locked in.
Father worked in a shitty factory job he despised and mother was too fragile to work, or maybe she just didn't want to. She was, in many respects a broken and entrapped woman. Both survived WW2 and both lived their lives in fear of the next holocaust that could and probably would befall them/ For if it had happened once, surely it could happen again.
The answer to everything was always' NO', just in case the BAD TIMES, were just around the next corner.
There is real damage done to your self esteem when you are demoralised over and over as a child.
My mother fed me - that's all she had - she fed me so that I would not starve, like she had.
My father was detached because love caused pain - everything that he loved was forever gone and he never recovered from those losses.
SO I grew up understanding that my position in life was forever as a servant to fear and that one should NEVER take a risk.
My father taught me never to ask for money because he 'didn't have any' EVER.
He was a miser, storing and keeping everything just in case it might be useful and as long as I can remember I have always been angry about money and money made me hate my father.
Maybe this is where my commitment to being poor comes from?
Funny how sometimes what you hate the most is what you end up taking ownership of and becoming yourself.
I know I have always wanted money - but it was always taught to me that 'we are poor' and 'we will always be poor'.
I'm saying all of this because maybe you can identify with some of what I am saying too?
It's not about feeling sorry for me - I am not after that from you.
I ask for you to ask yourself the same questions?
What are YOU still suffering?
The most important takeaway is that my attitude to money never really changed.
After 50 years, I still seem firmly committed to staying poor.
I am totally not the same person that I was 10 years ago, or twenty years ago, or thirty years ago.
I have changed SO MUCH and I attribute that to the witch's path.
It hasn't cured me though.
I still repeat the same mistakes.
I still lay the road to my own self destruction.
I've let people use me.
I've let people mistreat me.
I've allowed people to be the masters of my emotions.
I have felt the need to accumulate things - because ownership of stuff, maybe, could make me feel abundant. And things did not emotionally manipulate.
I could be the master of things.
A lifetime of feeling as a MISFIT often takes a lifetime to turn around.
A lifetime of feeling poor often takes a lifetime to 'unfeel'.
Yet every day I try a little more.
Every day I succeed to chip away at the STORY.
I am ready to ditch the poverty mindset.
I am done with feeling that I am not worthy to have what 'they ' have.
I'm done with doing things for free.
I'm done with allowing myself to listen to lies about how I should behave and be.
If it is finally not my time NOW - then when?
I am not longer waiting for the Universe to give me a sign to set me free.
I am creating the sign.
Maybe you feel this way too?
Maybe something I have said here resonates with you?
Maybe you too, are ready to stop denying yourself a better life?
Maybe it's your time too!